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Law breaks
11:55 PM
Law breaks

I took a break from my law books and just glanced around my study room a couple of seconds ago and I noticed that I was so surrounded by everything that I'm used to. My stack of books and notes on the right hand corner of the table, my organiser behind that, a storybook placed on top of a small cardboard box next to a brown teddy bear that my parents got from a function which I never got around to storing, my foolscap paper half filled with blue ink, my pen uncapped, phone charging, froggie in its classic pose unmolested, my board filled with random stuff, bookmarks, telephone numbers, nametags, my 2 tumblers of water next to me...

And it suddenly hits me really hard.

I'm going to miss all of this so bad when I go away in 4 months.

And I don't want to think about it. I know its childish, but I can't help feeling that if I won't think about it, perhaps it won't materialize and I'll just carry on everyday the way it is now. But deep inside, I know pushing it away won't help. The days will just fly by faster and faster and soon it'll be upon me faster than I know. And that terrifies me to a certain extent.

To leave my home and my loved ones for a foreign land where I'll be all alone, having to pretty much stand on my own two feet. Because I can't call my parents to come over quick and solve my problems for me. Because I can't have my brother dashing into my room to wake me up to go to the park. Because you can't keep such strict tabs on me anymore. And because you can't offer to take me out to lunch just to catch up and comfort. And we'll never be able to settle our dessert score. Because I can't have sleepovers filled with girly talks with you all anymore. Because there'll be no more skipping classes just for breakfast and long gossipy lunches. Because there won't be anymore potlucks and barbeques and birthday celebrations.

And because I know that it won't be the same anymore.

And I know that I can't not leave. Not leaving would always keep me glancing back, wondering if things would have been different had I left. Maybe its because I've always known that it would come, someday. Had it been the other way, I could be always glancing back wondering would things have been different had I stayed.

I look at my mobile phone.


And I acknowledge another reason why.

Pushing it away is only a temporary relief. Sooner or later, we all have to face up to certain things. Maybe at least if we face it sooner, we can face it on our own terms. And things might just go a little easier for us.

I'm going back to my law books. Sigh.


Written on Saturday, May 26, 2007; 11:55 PM


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