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19 going on 20 is just one teeny year!
11:23 PM
19 going on 20 is just one teeny year!

I have 12 more days till I have to go back. And 37 more minutes till I leave teenagehood forever and ever. And I want to freeze the time right now because I don't want to grow up. Sigh.

I used to set some targets that I wanted to achieve by a certain age and I confess, I wanted to make my first million by the time I hit 30 and I still want to do that and have a wonderful life along with good health and family and friends. But along the way I also learnt that I can't have everything in life and there's always a price tag and sometimes, the knowledge that you can't afford it comes sinking in much later when its almost too late to undo it.

Today I am 19, tomorrow I will be 20. Just 24 hours but so much will have changed. Its goodbye teenagehood and an extra wake up call to the responsibilities of real life and that time is ticking and I don't have much left to make mistakes that won't cripple me and still learn from them. I am unnerved and paralysed by all this looming pressure to be a proper 20 year old and to settle down to be mature. What if I screw up? And what if things don't turn out right and I can't fix them? And logically I know that I don't have all the answers just because I'm 20 but I can't quite banish the self-imposed expectation that I'm supposed to know what to do and what to say.

One-fifth of a century. And I've made 3 strikes and I'm supposed to be out but I find myself still in. I need to learn to read and handle life's curveballs faster and more importantly, to make the best out of it even if its not the best decision that could have been made. I need to stop looking back and thinking "what if.." or I will be unready for the next curveball that life throws my way and that is something that I can't afford to have. I need to take a stand and learn to fight for what I believe in and to know when its just not worth it because there will be other better things in life.

I know I'm not fully ready. But its okay because I have 12 more minutes before I turn 20 and I will use that time to remind myself of everything good in my life. A loving and supportive family who can afford to send me overseas to study which is an opportunity I should maximise and not waste, good health that enables me to enjoy life, wonderful friends whom I can count on no matter how near or far they physically are and the million and one other precious things that God has seen fit to bless me with. I will remember to be thankful for all this instead of complaining about what I don't have. And that no matter how bad things are that cause me to stumble and fall, I can remember the beauty and joy of life and it will help me get up and keep on going.

This year turned out much differently than what I expected it to and it really hits home that you can plan and wish but the reality is that life has its own way of charting its path off the map. But hey, different doesn't mean bad and off-road trips are about exploring the unknown and drinking in the mystery and excitement of it.

Okay I have 3 more minutes left.

Gosh, at the rate time flies I'll be white-haired and hunched before long...

Two more minutes.

Nevermind, white haired is a tad too far away to worry about so I'll just savour the remaining 120 seconds of my teenagehood by remembering the good times and I'll glide into the swinging twenties with a smile...

Okay there goes the cuckoo clock downstairs, I'm twenty already.

Darn it, I'm old!!!!!!!!!! =P

Written on Sunday, September 14, 2008; 11:23 PM
8 comments

Flip My Past:
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