summer days where all you need is a gelato in hand //

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May day

11:15 PM

May day

Today is the 31st of May!

You know what this means? (I mean like other than the fact that its the last day of May which means the last round of A-Levels exam is really really just around the corner)

This means, today is Baskin Robins day! *extra-large grin*

Went to DU today with my mum to buy Baskin Robins. And I gotta say this, parking in DU is such a hassle! Its even worse than SS2, can you imagine? Double parking all the way along the streets, people parking along the middle of the road at the dotted lines (Yes, we were one of those offenders today) basically, a whole mess! And the queue at Baskin Robins was so long. I never cease to be amazed at the queue everytime I go to a BR outlet on the 31st. *shakes head*

Got the usual dose of chocolate + peanut butter, chocolate and Jamoca almond fudge. =)
How can anyone not love the 31st?

Sat down after dinner and dug into the fresh ice-cream along with my mummy. Mmm... yummy! Had to exercise self-control cause I didn't want to gain back those pounds that I magically lost. Choc and peanut butter, a tempting combination...

I decided to calculate properly how many marks I was short of an A for my A-Levels subjects. (Yes, this is how desperately low I have sunk) And I discovered that I can't discover where my first term results slip is. Nevermind, I'll just give it a rough figure...

And what I realised?

Econs : If I got the same marks like I got for my mocks, I should just barely scrape through an A!
Accounts : Using my mocks marks, I get through with a B!
Math : Its pathetic, but with my mocks marks, I'll get a C!
Law : Okay, this is the worst of all. With my test results, I get a blooming D! *pengsan*

Damn sad case right? Student who's planning to take law gets a D for her law paper and an A for her econs. I seriously wonder if I know what I'm doing... *sigh*

You know what my worse nightmare is? (I've got this feeling its going to come true) Its getting a 'U' (The marks are so low that its Unclassified) for my Law. Its absolutely mortifying and I will never ever be able to explain it to my parents. Which is why I've been trying to prepare them for the shock by constantly saying that I'm definitely gonna fail law. Now I don't know if I should hang law and focus the rest of my time on my other 3 subjects to get A's for them (my uni requires max of 3A's) or should I focus more on my law and not study so much for the other 3 and end up possibly not getting B for law (cause getting A is seriously impossible) and also not getting A for econs/maths/accounts. I don't want a D on my A-Levels cert, but I'm also not prepared to sacrifice my easier 3A's for a tougher B/C. What a catch-22 situation!

Major panic attack!!!

Runs down to the fridge to take out that quart of choc peanut butter ice-cream for comfort, but then the thought of gaining back those pounds makes me put it back sadly. *sigh* I need new alternatives for comfort other than retail therapy and food!

Caught a glimpse of the moon earlier on but it was a hazy white as there were clouds blocking it. And now, the sky is just a dark blue black without the faintest hint of twinkling stars.

May has been pretty good in its own way and scary also because the exams are really really close. Its like hmmm...5 more days to my first paper and I don't think I'm going for it! Okay, there's another 45 minutes left of the 31st of May, so for all you people who haven't bought Baskin Robins yet, I'm sure you can run to the nearest outlet and buy yourself some! =p

Oh, and I tried booking seats for Shrek 3 just to see if I could get it and I managed to book only 2 tickets for Saturday 1.30pm show at GSC 1U but I doubt I'll be watching it so if anyone wants those 2 tickets, let me know and I'll tell you the booking number.

Round 2 for Pirates 3 tomorrow morning with the family. Must get back to Stats tonight.

Toodles!

Written on Thursday, May 31, 2007; 11:15 PM

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As the wind blows

11:01 PM

As the wind blows

I know I haven't been blogging. But you know, its so hard to blog. Sudahlah exams are around the corner. But also, blogspot is so unprivate. Can't lock certain things. All I do is leave them as drafts. So that I can re-read them when I feel like it. And there are all you silent readers, whom I know read my blog but don't leave comments and didn't tell me that you read this. Not that there's anything really wrong with that. Cause I'm also a silent reader of other blogs. But you know, its a bit disconcerting at times to have unexpected people reading this. And suddenly when you find out, your heart gives a little flip-flop. And you wonder if you censored it well enough. And if they really knew what it meant. And what they thought of it.

Okay, I'll just say it out loud. I am shy and reserved. And I value my privacy. Or maybe I just like keeping secrets, perhaps for the fun of it. Its like putting chocolate in your pocket. And you touch it once in awhile to reassure yourself that its still there and not melted away. Just for comfort and pleasure and knowing that the whole world doesn't know what you know.

I don't like feeling guilty, especially when it comes to you. At that moment, I thought it was the best for you. But now as I think back and wonder, was it really for you or was it really for me? I know you'll never say it to me, which is a sort of good because I don't like and don't know how to explain it. But I still feel the guilt, and it gnaws away at my conscience.

People whom you think know you best, they don't really know you that well now. But you know they do care, as you do for them. But still, things change. And so do people.

I don't know if I should put this up. I don't know if I can answer your questions, or if you can answer mine. I don't know if you know what I know. I don't know what tomorrow's gonna be like. And I don't know so many other things. So many questions, I think I need some answers. But I don't know if I'm prepared to search for them. And even more unsure whether I'm prepared to accept them. Or if they'll make things clearer. The devil are in the details, you know.

The past is history, the present is for living. And the future, well the future is unknown.

Knowing what you want doesn't mean that its within your reach. Do you want something for the sake of wanting? Or do you want it because you can't have it?

Call it fear, call it reality. They're merely names. What matters is the substance. Or so we think. But fear can be conquered. Reality, I don't know.

Do you really know what I fear? And do you know how much I fear? And that I'm afraid to let you know how afraid I am? Because I'm afraid that once you see how afraid I am, things won't be the same anymore. Its sad, isn't it? That I'm so afraid of fear. I shouldn't be thinking about all this right now cause I'm just making things more complicated, for its all set in tomorrows and its giving me such a headache! But I can't help not thinking about it because sometimes it just pops up unbidden in my mind, a reflex triggered by certain things.

Asking me to live for today is not that easy for me to do when I've been living in yesterdays and tomorrows for so long. Old habits, you know. But I think I'll try to try for today.

Written on Tuesday, May 29, 2007; 11:01 PM

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Law breaks

11:55 PM

Law breaks

I took a break from my law books and just glanced around my study room a couple of seconds ago and I noticed that I was so surrounded by everything that I'm used to. My stack of books and notes on the right hand corner of the table, my organiser behind that, a storybook placed on top of a small cardboard box next to a brown teddy bear that my parents got from a function which I never got around to storing, my foolscap paper half filled with blue ink, my pen uncapped, phone charging, froggie in its classic pose unmolested, my board filled with random stuff, bookmarks, telephone numbers, nametags, my 2 tumblers of water next to me...

And it suddenly hits me really hard.

I'm going to miss all of this so bad when I go away in 4 months.

And I don't want to think about it. I know its childish, but I can't help feeling that if I won't think about it, perhaps it won't materialize and I'll just carry on everyday the way it is now. But deep inside, I know pushing it away won't help. The days will just fly by faster and faster and soon it'll be upon me faster than I know. And that terrifies me to a certain extent.

To leave my home and my loved ones for a foreign land where I'll be all alone, having to pretty much stand on my own two feet. Because I can't call my parents to come over quick and solve my problems for me. Because I can't have my brother dashing into my room to wake me up to go to the park. Because you can't keep such strict tabs on me anymore. And because you can't offer to take me out to lunch just to catch up and comfort. And we'll never be able to settle our dessert score. Because I can't have sleepovers filled with girly talks with you all anymore. Because there'll be no more skipping classes just for breakfast and long gossipy lunches. Because there won't be anymore potlucks and barbeques and birthday celebrations.

And because I know that it won't be the same anymore.

And I know that I can't not leave. Not leaving would always keep me glancing back, wondering if things would have been different had I left. Maybe its because I've always known that it would come, someday. Had it been the other way, I could be always glancing back wondering would things have been different had I stayed.

I look at my mobile phone.

And I acknowledge another reason why.

Pushing it away is only a temporary relief. Sooner or later, we all have to face up to certain things. Maybe at least if we face it sooner, we can face it on our own terms. And things might just go a little easier for us.

I'm going back to my law books. Sigh.

Written on Saturday, May 26, 2007; 11:55 PM

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Pirates of the Caribbean 3 : At World's End

12:20 AM

Pirates of the Caribbean 3 : At World's End

Was late for maths cause I thought I had time to nap when my alarm rang. Sadly, I was mistaken. But daddy dear fixed it by sending me to college and conveniently used that later as the reason he left his documents behind! Hahaha. But he nicely took it back after I pointed out that he left it behind because he forgot about it and not because he was rushing to send me. =p

Walked into the room to discover that half the class was going to see Pirates. Oh, did I mention there were only about 10 students in class? Haha. Wanted to leave early as the movie was at 11.30 but Mdm. Lin went off halfway to take her boosters and ended class late. So Wil Liam, Ee Wei, Jyh Min, Yong Jing, Ai Kheng and I left for 1U 10 minutes before the show started. Met up with Simone, Leon, Sate and John and as usual someone met someone else they knew. I can't remember a recent occasion where I was in 1U and did not run into someone I knew. And when that day comes, I'm going to buy myself a big ice-cream cone to mark the occasion. Don't get me wrong, I rather enjoy bumping into people outside, but there are times when you'd rather have some privacy and go unspotted among the crowd as total strangers.

So the cinema was jam-packed full and we were seated in the 4th row from the screen. I don't think I've ever been this close to the screen. Its an experience! And we saw the curtains closing. Haha. But I bet you all had more fun the last time when we were so early that you all could do that shiok sendiri thing in the cinema when it was all so dark and quiet, right? Hehe. =p

Warning, spoilers for Pirates of the Caribbean 3 (POTC 3) coming up!

Wait, this isn't a spoiler. Just a reminder to stay after the credits for an extra scene!

So if you haven't watched the show yet, you should just scroll past the spoiler bit.

The beginning was a bit morbid for a Disney show, but its a pirate show and not some cartoon comedy show so tak apa lah. Johnny Depp gave a stunning performance as usual and kinda stole the limelight, Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom were good, and so was Geoffrey Rush who played Capt. Barbossa. I kinda like Capt. Barbossa's character, its actually quite funny and nice now. I didn't really like Tia Dalma's Jamaican accent in Pirates 2, and I still don't like it now. And it was a bit surprising that Chow Yun Fat as Sao Feng died so fast and his screen time was quite short. And Captain Teague (Jack's father) reminds me of Captain Hook in the movie Peter Pan. While the movie was nice, I felt a little lost as the plot was a bit convoluted this time around as they didn't explain much about the pieces o' eight and Calypso and the Brethren Court. Or maybe they did, but I felt it was insufficient. And the ending was like, what the heck was that about?! Why did Will Turner have to be the captain of the Flying Dutchman??? Now he can only be reunited with Elizabeth Swann for one day every 10 years cause that's the only time he can set foot on land. Aaaarrrgghhh! What happened to picture perfect Disney endings?! But I suppose an ending like this like this leaves possibilities for a sequel of some sort. Other than that, its good that Elizabeth got her freedom to sail the seven seas with her own ship. But I'd be as happy to see her and Will happily married ashore. As for Jack Sparrow, sorry, Captain Jack Sparrow I mean, he's still a pirating rogue who'll end up in all sorts of situations and land on his two feet no matter where he may be . =)

Would it be too much to hope for a 4th Pirate?

Written on Friday, May 25, 2007; 12:20 AM

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Dashing pirates

2:30 AM

Dashing pirates

In exactly 9 hours, I shall be watching 'Pirates of the Caribbean 3 : At World's End' in 1U courtesy of someone who was nice enough to queue up in person at the ticket counter as online reservations were all full. Thank you! =)

And this is to rub it in to all of you who haven't got the tickets yet that I shall be watching the first screening (discounting Wednesday's premier) of POTC 3!!!

Muahahahaha!!!

I am the epitome of niceness, am I not? ;)

Watching pirates later on makes me a happy girl tonight!

Tonight I shall dream of dashing rogues and chivalrous swashbucklers on huge ships sailing along on tempestous waters. Golden doubloons and jewels and swordfights. Revelry and merry mayhem. Thrilling adventures that span the seven continents and five oceans.

You swooped in when I wasn't looking.

Pirate!

I still forgive you anyway. =)

Written on Thursday, May 24, 2007; 2:30 AM

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Water nymphs

6:42 PM

Water nymphs

Today promised to be a beautiful day. Sunshiney skies with white fluffy clouds that floated along gently in the blue sky. The leaves of huge green trees whispering gently, occasionally a leaf would come spinning down gently and perhaps get caught in her hair where he would brush it gently to the ground with a laugh. The merry bustle of people walking up and down sidewalks, the air vibrating with energy. If only it remained so.

And slowly but surely, the sunshiney skies lost their blue radiance. The clouds, no longer fluffy white, turned dreary and soggy grey. Trees now rustling ominously, their leaves threatening to blow right into her face as she struggles to walk against the wind. An unpleasant sensation of people rushing and pushing past her, each viciously eager to get to their destination. Insignificant she seems, merely another ant in such a long, long trail.

But no, she won't let herself be pushed down so easily. She finds some shreds of courage in a hidden reserve which fires her up and she sets her shoulders back and holds her head up high, defiantly determined not to back down that way and to keep her pride when she doesn't know just who might be watching.

Train rides that slow down at corners and groans and creaks worryingly. The rain doesn't lash down but it reaches the ground in fits and bursts. As she seats herself in between strangers, she stares out of the window and watches rivulets of rain slide down the clear plastic pane. And they don't seem to stop. At times slow and at times fast. There is a certain rhythm about them. She wishes the train ride wouldn't end. At her stop, she is tempted to remain on the train and take another ride just so that she can watch the rain from her seat.

The sky still retains its grey overcast but she decides to walk in the slight drizzle. Watching the raindrops make star-shaped dimples in the puddles, she looks up into the sky so that she can feel the raindrops on her face although she knows its probably acid rain. And for once, she stands there and wishes that oh, the sky would rip open and the rain would pour down on her in fury. But no, it doesn't happen that way. At least, not today. And so she walks under trees weighed down with water that gently shake their leaves, letting the water droplets roll gently down her arms . A slight wind comes up and blows her hair back, leaving her face and arms tingling with a slight chill. And she stands at the gate, a little dizzy, cold and tired.

She runs into the bathroom to draw a warm bath, sinking underneath the surface with her eyes all shut, letting the heat of the water sooth and calm her. The peacefulness of being underwater, the sensation of floating freely, all the cares and worries washed away. And in that solitude, she lets the pounding of her heart steady itself before rising from the quiet depth and breaking the surface to inhale the sweet smell of milky roses that mingle together with the steam that swirls all around her, leaving a lingering scent on her skin. Wrapped lovingly in water's embrace, she is once more renewed and ready to face the world.

Written on Tuesday, May 22, 2007; 6:42 PM

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Confounded profoundity

10:11 PM

Confounded profoundity

I was going to write something really profound for your contemplation purposes when my train of thoughts suddenly got distracted and I lost track of what I was going to say. So I decided to spare you all the trouble of stretching your overused braincells by saving the profoundity (It looks like 'profanity', don't you think so?) and being very down-to-earth.

Today was an absymally boring death-inducing day. 4 hours of Stats in a row, don't play play! But knowing me, I didn't finish my past year questions so I ended up doing a lot of un-Statsy stuff. And got stared at by Ms. Aw because she caught me talking. Sigh. Lucky thing term's almost over so she won't be walking around much longer with my name on her mental blacklist.

And that's all I'm gonna say here. And yes, I do know its so dead-boringly mundane.

So sue me, I don't care! *shrugs flippantly*

Written on Friday, May 18, 2007; 10:11 PM

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Rainy days

9:59 PM

Rainy days

Newsflash : Important announcement coming up!!!

No, no, its not that one, silly!

*drumrolls*

I have for the first time this term solved a Math question on the board upfront and I think I fixed my Internet connection!

Standing ovation with thunderous applause please! *giggles to herself and curtseys*

Okay, okay, I know that was inanely childish and it was a self-blowing trumpet thing and I had some help, but who cares? Hehe. Let me berbangga-bangga sikit la. =p

Went out with Amery, Ai Kheng, Simone, Wil Liam, Leon, Ee Wei and Sate to watch 'Next' which is about a guy who can see 2 minutes into the future about his life. It was an okay watch, but frankly, the trailer appeared to be much better than the show. But then again, don't they always appear that way?

Played hide-and-seek in 1U led by our ringleader who instigated us to ignore the guys in retaliation for them not participating in deciding where to eat. And we led them to a merry chase (but they were quite smart too) till they finally gave up and stalked off to eat lunch on their own. And after meeting them at MPH after lunch, we decided to play the 'Now you see us, now you don't' game, but this time, they didn't bother searching for us.

Cheh, so not fun la you guys! *sulks*

Ee Wei and Leon supposedly fell asleep on the bench at 1U which kinda left me speechless actually. It beats me how guys can simply fall asleep on a bench in 1U just like that. You'd be hard pressed to find a girl who did that. Well, unless they slept very very late last night. Hehe. =p

Everytime I'm in 1U, I definitely run into people I know there. Like today, I saw Noelle and her sister in the changing room of Island Shop, and we met Wui Leng on the escalator up to the cinema which is funny because everytime I see her, its always on the same escalator. And I'm always going up while she's always going down. Its just a funny coincidence that the timing is like that, I suppose. Oh and I met someone whom I haven't seen in many many years.

I'll buy you an ice-cream cone if you can guess who it is!

C'mon, c'mon, I'll give you 3 guesses. And no, if you were next to me on the escalator, you're not allowed to guess because you already know who that is!

I met Gayle Yeoh from primary school who turned out to be Leon's secondary school friend! What a small, small world. Especially in PJ area. Had it not been for him recognising her, I probably wouldn't be looking in her direction and wouldn't have spotted her. But she still looks a fair bit like what she did 7 years ago in primary school.

It was raining as I reached home and I happily smiled to myself as I went upstairs and sat on the bed, gazing out of my open window with my head propped on my arms as I saw the raindrops come splashing down, heard the distant thunder rumble and saw occasional flashes of lightning. And there was such a wonderful wind blowing that was so cooling and calmed me down as I sat there and let my thoughts wander off to far, far places. As the rain gently pattered to an end, I watched sparrows perched on my roof twitter and hop around from one cable wire to another. Such a feeling of lassitude and peace overcame me and I couldn't help but slowly drift off to sleep, soothed by the aftereffects of a pleasant rain. Though I think my lack of sleep last night made me partly susceptible to napping. =p

I've been waiting for this rain for what seems like aeons, but in reality only a few days. The refreshing night air it brings reminds me of the days where it used to rain ever so frequently and there would be a full moon in its glorious and serene beauty that never seemed to end accompanied by stars twinkling so brightly in the dark, velvety night sky.

I miss them very badly, did you know that?
Perhaps they're taking a turn on the opposite side of the world.
Will they be back, I wonder?
I certainly hope so, for I'm still waiting.

Patience is a virtue which I do not possess in abundance, but I'm trying. =)

Written on Thursday, May 17, 2007; 9:59 PM

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Disembodified bathtubs

1:56 AM

Disembodified bathtubs

I hate not being able to do anything. So darn moodless. The inability to focus my mind on anything. Definitely not studying, not eating or watching tv, not even reading my favourite books can draw my mind to a state of conscious concentration. The only thing I can do is well, to ber-emo on my blog.

Scratch that!!!

I DO NOT ber-emo on my blog.
I rarely ber-emo. Rarely.
And I almost never do it face-to-face publicly.
Only to a select few.
Who almost instantly know how to jolt me out of it.

Thank you for putting up with my unusuality and for knowing how to. =)
I owe you as always and I won't forget that.
Despite your uttered assurances that it was and is nothing.

Drown me in two bathtubs of pixie dust, I don't really care. Because I know you'd be there to pull me up if I were to really drown. You know you would too. =p

And that's why we both are what we are. *chuckles*

Written on Wednesday, May 16, 2007; 1:56 AM

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Rollercoasters

11:55 AM

Rollercoasters

Do you enjoy rollercoasters like I do?
If you did, you'd know what I mean.

The waiting time, the anticipation
Of the wind blowing into your face,
Your hair flying wildly,
Screams torn from your throat.

Anticipation keeps you on your toes,
As you slowly move through the queue.
And as you finally reach the head of the line
And get into the first carriage,
Prepared to feel the adrenaline,
Course through your bloodstream.

The sheer thrill of it
Keeps you wanting for more,
And you go back for second, third and fourth rounds
Till you feel tired of all that screaming.
Slightly nauseous from that stomach-dropping feeling
That heart-plunging moment.

And when you get off the ride,
A sudden calm and peace overcomes you.

And than you think, "Maybe this is better than adrenaline-pumping rollercoasters after all."

Somehow, today feels detached.
Lethargic, somnolent and quiet.
Like floating gently in a body of still water.
No sudden fiery explosions of emotions.

A tired little girl who needs someone to watch over her while she sleeps and sprinkle some mischief into her life to make her joyful laughter bubble over again.

Written on Monday, May 14, 2007; 11:55 AM

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The same glass of water

11:34 PM

The same glass of water

Last mock of the term, Econs 6. Loads of people didn't show up, expected already la. =p

Went to 1U to watch Spiderman 3 (finally!) with Amery, Simone, Wil Liam, Leon, Raisha, Sate, Ee Wei and Jyh Min. The show was pretty good, but it was long and I was yawning and fidgeting all the way through. Not to mention the cinema was kinda cold as I left my jacket at home. Brrr..Anyway, I absolutely have to say this, Peter Parker is nerdishly cute, but Harry Osbourne is so darn good-looking! Don't you think so? I'm in love...*sighs dreamily* ;)

And he sort of reminds me of someone.
Wouldn't you like to know who? Hehe. *grins mischeviously*

Had lunch with Leon and Ee Wei and went hunting around in 1U for Mother's Day presents. Unsurprisingly, didn't manage to get anything there. This is the result of doing last-minute shopping the day before, I suppose. But, it was fun. =)

Went for sunset mass as usual and headed downtown to celebrate Mother's Day with dinner at Shang Palace in Shangri-La. Food was pretty decent but service was kinda slow as they had a full crowd in there tonight. I still like the chocolate fountain in Lemon Garden though.

And just as you thought this was going to be a straightforward post...

I wish I really knew what I wanted. And that I knew what you really wanted. And I wish that, you know, it wouldn't be like that. That when I look at you, I'm postively sure that I see what I think I'm looking for, and I think I'm seeing it too. In glimpses and flashes. Or so I think. And that you'd make things easier for me. But I wouldn't appreciate it if it came too easily, would I? It'd be very convenient and nice to say that I wish I could turn back time, but for once, I'm quite sure that turning back time to that moment now wouldn't help. Are we both looking at the same thing? I'm not absolutely sure. I wish I'd said a million other answers to your questions. But what's said is said. Retracting it would still leave a trace there anyway. I'd rather you remember it the way you do, if you even remember what I said. You once told me something that described this very aptly. I just never told you how true it was for me. And I won't put it up here, because it would be too much of a giveaway. I'm uncertain, but I'm waiting.

I'm down to my last piece of Strepsils and its not getting any better. =(

And I think I know why it happened. But, its always easier said than done. =p

Written on Saturday, May 12, 2007; 11:34 PM

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The story of a girl

1:05 AM

The story of a girl

Someone important to her once said, “He who is worth your tears wouldn’t make you cry.” And at that time, she merely laughed it off and said, “Yeah, he who makes me cry shall be dumped because no guy ever makes me cry and gets away with it that easily. For is it not said that 'Heaven has no Rage like Love to Hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn’d' ?"

But now as she is safely ensconced in the privacy of her mind where she can roam and wander down her hallways of thoughts, to stretch and explore the limits of boundaries, she wonders, “If he is not worth my tears, than is he worthy of my heart?” And she sits down and ponders on how much longer she is going to laugh off remarks like this before she finally accepts the truth that it requires courage, not in miniscule amounts, but in doses sufficient enough to make that leap of faith which puts human beings a level above their primate cousins in the jungle.

What are the ingredients to the magical potion that boils and bubbles in a cauldron over the fire? Where does she find that lamp which houses the genie that gives her 3 wishes? And where is that fairy godmother that grants her heart’s desire?

She doesn’t know the answer to all that. If she did, she’d be able to set up a factory and bottle joy for humankind at a price tag. But at least this time, she knows what she wants. Or so she thinks. She wants Prince Charming to come charging up on a white horse and slay her dragons for her and they’ll go off riding into the sunset happily ever after.

And now she knows that everything comes back to where it begins. All those webs she spun, those games she played, teetering on the edge of a crevasse, swaying on the sharp point of the knife. Never knowing what was coming around the corner, if the slight gust of wind would blow her over the edge. Its all coming back to her in full force. This time, she's now the one ensnared in silky webs, swaying so precariously on the edge of nothingness, bouncing up and down whichever way the line goes. And she know its too late to do anything. Her safety line is already out of her hands. All she can do is to cling on to the surface of the rock and hope for the best. And that she will be safe.

Oh, what fools we mortals are when it come to love!

Or the thing which we correctly or otherwise call as love. She really thinks that sometimes, we need to stop and see if we are truly in love or are we in love with the idea of being in love.

If you have it [love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have . - Sir James M. Barrie -

And she thinks, "How true. For is it not said, that what is life without love?"

But a question emerges from the depth of her mind, "What makes us humans want to fall in love and chance the bitter agony of heartbreak?"

We all want to fall in love.
Why?
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive,
where every sense is heightened,
and every emotion is magnified.
Our everyday reality is shattered
and we are flying into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, or an afternoon,
but that doesn't diminish its value,
because we are left with memories
that we treasure for the rest of our lives. - From the movie The Mirror Has Two Faces -

And she thinks, "Ahh, being in love is like living life with all the colours on. Before this, it was just black, white and grey. Love makes the air fresher, the water sweeter and the singing of birds more melodious. So that's the beauty and power of love."

But, doubt comes creeping in like a thief in the night, "Is love forever and what does forever mean? And if love isn't forever, what then? Is love permanent or is it everchanging?"

Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration. - D.H. Lawrence -

And it dawns on her that love's blossom does blossom unexpectedly without warning. And if she doesn't pluck it while it is fresh, it will wither away. And it does no good as a dried flower, a keepsake in an album. Except that this time, she doesn't want the blossom to bloom and wither in a brief hour. She wants the blossom to remain fresh for as long as it can be. To ask it to be for all eternity would be something she dare not reach for yet.

And as she writes this, she feels a weight lifted from her shoulders. And she looks in the mirror and sees a reflection. Eyes which rarely shed tears now glisten with them. Cheeks which have not felt the salty trace of a rolling tear for ages, now moistened slightly with them. Her eyes, which had never once had eyebags, now hold the faint dark shadows that tell of restless nights and toss-turning sleep. How strange, yet how familiar this face is.

Written on Tuesday, May 08, 2007; 1:05 AM

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Walking on sunshine

1:15 AM

Walking on sunshine

Suddenly, I feel a current of comfort flow through me as though I was shivering in a dark and gloomy place when a ray of sunlight pierced through the veil and shone its warm rays of light on me, leaving me feeling blessed and thankful for what I have.

Its the kind of feeling that makes you grin ecstatically and wanna go dancing in the rain, regardless of who might be watching. And I gotta tell you, it feels fantastic. =)

I am walking on sunshine and sliding on rainbows! Whee!

Written on Monday, May 07, 2007; 1:15 AM

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Far, far away

11:42 PM

Far, far away

My eyes scan the white broad-lined paper filled with my ever changeable style of handwriting in blue ink. A mixture of alphabets strung together to form words which fill page after page with endless script. Words, some round and some thin, some small and some cursive, all penned by my hand. The shape and form of it changing with every flip of the page. At other times, my mind would have absorbed every one of them like a sponge soaking up water but today, these words are like Greek to me, simply incomprehensible. My eyes simply glance at the words, but they don't register in my mind. Today, I'm merely looking, not really seeing. And I know the reason why. My eyes are here, but my mind and heart are somewhere else.

They're lost in a place far, far away. Running through grassy meadows with daisies and bluebells that carpet the ground. Swinging back and forth up high with my feet off the ground and the scent of freshly cut grass tickling my nose. Sitting in the shade of the weeping willows by the river lost in a reverie as I let my feet dangle and dip into the cool refreshing water. Picking blueberries under the sunshiney skies on a farm. Taking in the sight of fields and fields of tulips blooming in various colours with windmills in the distance. Walking down a cobblestoned lane with quaint little shops overflowing with curios. Standing on a breezy cliff watching the waves pound the rocks and screaming my lungs out to my heart's content. Gently rocking in a cushioned rocking chair as I succumb to the tempting smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies that waft pass and take one right off the cooling tray. Walking through greenhouses in summertime where every imaginable blossom blooms in beautiful colours with velvety soft petals.

Oh, how I long for all this and for much much more!

Have you ever wanted something so badly and knowing that it was out of your reach, your mind and soul ached and throbbed with the sadness of the futility of trying?

Maybe, just maybe, I'm one step closer to all of this than I thought I'd be. =)

Written on Saturday, May 05, 2007; 11:42 PM

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Silky petals

5:40 PM

Silky petals

Decided to skip Math class today to have an extra 2 hours to study for the first mock of the term, Accounts. But, I ended up with only an hour plus because I woke up late again and I was driving my aunt's Honda City today so I had to be a really cautious and slow driver.

So anyway, I drove a Honda City for the first time! *beams*

The Honda City is a nice and nippy car, great for town driving. The steering is light enough that I can easily handle it with one hand. Though I find the accelerator pedal too thin and too shallow for my taste. I was half-worried that my shoe would slip off the pedal. Or maybe its because I'm used to more solid and bigger pedals. The engine seemed quite good for a 1.5 (or was it a 1.6?). The City is compactly comfortable, its easy enough to slip in and out of those miniscule parking lots which spring up quite regularly nowadays. While I liked the steering wheel being light to the touch, I noticed that the car took corners too swiftly, or maybe that's because I wasn't slowing down enough. =p But I've a feeling that if you go really fast like 130km/h, the Honda City won't feel so steady after all and you'll get the feeling of flying off the road out of control. Overall, its quite a nippy car, very suitable for people especially ladies who do a lot of town driving. For me, it was an enjoyable experience but if I could pick, I'd personally prefer driving and sitting in a more powerful, solid and steady car. =)

Anyway, back to the depressing topic of mocks. Today's Accounts was okay I suppose. This is the only mock of the term that I feel prepared for. I am such a slacker. Sigh.

Rushed off to the dentist to do my braces where my appointment is overdue by a month. The dentist isn't happy with me cause my top teeth are going out of alignment. And my top retainer is useless as I haven't been wearing it for weeks and its gone out of shape. Which means I need a new one which costs RM300. Mummy will so not be happy when she hears this! And I got told off by my dentist to come in every 3 weeks instead of once every 2 months. I'll have to remove my bottom braces before I head off to UK. But the dentist says its a pretty tight schedule and I don't wanna remove my braces if my teeth aren't ready. C'mon teeth, start moving faster and close up the gap so I can take those metal things off you, ok? =)

I don't like today at all cause I feel so grungy and annoyed. Its 5.36pm and I haven't started studying for tomorrow's Unit 5 Econs mock and I don't feel like starting on it eventhough I haven't read any notes since 2 months ago. Heck, I don't even feel like going for the mock because I don't like not doing well in economics. I'm in such a lousy and horrible mood. Grrr!!!

All I want is another rose in my hands to accompany the one I have on my table. I'll let you pick the colour. Won't you humour me please, somebody, and give me a rose? *gives best innocent and adorable kiddy smile*

Written on Friday, May 04, 2007; 5:40 PM

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Generous blood

11:49 PM

Generous blood

Had my Asiaworks interview this morning and promptly headed home to get prepared to watch Spiderman 3 but, alas, the tickets were all sold out! After having to tell my brother that Spidey 3 is off, I dither around for an hour while waiting for the necessary phone calls to determine where and when lunch is. As no one checked in about any concrete plans for lunch, I decided to bring my bro to The Curve for lunch. And just as I start checking around to see if there are any other takers, a text message comes in concerning lunch.

Me : So, can I bring my brother along to Asia Cafe?
TB : Err...*silence*
I think of AC and its smoke-filled pool room and decide to leave my bro at home for lunch.
Me : Umm, nvmlah. I won't bring my brother along.
TB : Yeah, that's a good idea. That place is kinda inappropriate for a kid, you know...

While Michelle studies her chem, I entertain myself by watching the boys pool and laughing at them. And after a while, I'm just sitting there and dangling my feet over the sides of the chair when I notice the cloudy and mildly warm weather with a refreshing breeze coming through ever so often. And I think of long walks on the beach and lazing on the couch at home with the smell of freshly baked cakes wafting through the house. Picnics under a shady tree in the park and of boating in the river as the swans glide gracefully by.

And I ask myself, "What am I doing in this smokey room full of balls?"

Pool balls, that is. Those striped and solid coloured ones. Do rein in your imaginative mind before it wanders off to areas that its supposed to stay away from, will you? Tsk tsk tsk...

Berdinner at the 'Right 4 U' cafe which is a new place my family and I had dinner at on Sunday. This time, I went there with my younger brother, TB and Vinc. Where I get to laugh myself silly at the antics of the guys amusing my brother and reading his storybook to him. What can I say, laughter's good for the digestion and they're really all children at heart. =p

Thanks to my knowledge of Biology, I'm going to be poorer by an ice-cream cone. =)

Written on Tuesday, May 01, 2007; 11:49 PM

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Flip My Past:

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A sad but true possibility

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The dream that you wish will come true

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Profile; The Blogger

Siew Yen
22
London

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