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Hello big apple!!!
2:00 AM
Hello big apple!!!

I'm finally getting my dosage of big, beautiful city energy! And I was greeted by snow falling fast in little little flakes and it does look very pretty from my first NYC yellow taxi ride (even if the driver took some time searching for my sister's address on his GPS and it cost a bomb)!

My sister's place is cozy (in reality it means rather small), and I can honestly say that I miss my Liberty Park room. Oh well, its a small price to pay for getting to spend 2 weeks here. =)

I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow, except check out the laundry and metro cuz my sister is making me do her housework =.= and I need to figure out how to get around town. I'm tempted to just pop into a Starbucks with my lappie and international law notes but as I recall, I do not have a T-mobile internet account which means no wifi for me. Sigh. I'm thinking New York Public Library or Central Park or maybe some little cafe by the sidewalk..

I foresee no work getting done, especially once I meet up with Robyn and we go gadding about the city. And I ashamedly will admit that all I did on the flight was read 20 pages on TWAIL essays, watched Journey to the Centre of the Earth, Wall-E, catnapped and chit-chatted with the guy next to me who is in the cocoa industry and travels all over the world. So much for my work on the plane resolution which I tried to uphold by not bringing a single story book. Not even my 'The Undercover Economist' which I have yet to finish. That my friends, is the measure of how serious I am. Okay I seriously need to crash cuz now is 7am UK time and my internal clock is a little jumbled up. Plus, I need to be up by 8.30am tmr. Beauty sleep calls!

Written on Wednesday, December 17, 2008; 2:00 AM
10 comments
Ennui really is the last straw
1:52 AM
Ennui really is the last straw

I'm going to New York tomorrow but I don't feel anything.

Back than I used to get really excited and would even finish packing for long holidays a couple of days before I fly. But this time, the jadedness that I've been trying to hide ate into my excitement leaving me weary and grey. I haven't put anything in my suitcase and I've got a long list of errands to be done. Not to mention a hell of a lot of unfinished work that I know I won't be able to do on the trip that I'll be worrying a lot about when the deadlines inch nearer.

Where are you my conscience?

This trip feels like I'm running away. But I don't know if I'm running away from something or running towards something. This nonchalant, uncaring, stoned air of taking things for granted is ruffling me up. Deep down inside I know that I need my verve back. This is what the trip is for, what I hope and need it to be. I'm going to the Big Apple where there will be loads of energy, colour and light. Anything to pep-start me back to life. To remove the memories, the scars, the mental blocks, the remembering, the lassitude, the disconnection.

I don't quite know what I'm searching for, someone told me he found his answers there.

I hope I find mine as well.

Written on Monday, December 15, 2008; 1:52 AM
4 comments
Will you ever read this?
11:46 PM
Will you ever read this?

My favourite summer night was the one where we were watching a late night show, comfortably ensconced in old friendships and laughter from the natural-awkward humour and atmosphere. In the dark I wanted to smile and lean into you so that your solid presence could flow over me like a balm both healing and rejuvenating. It reminded me of the other time where it was so similar yet different because the current history than was not what it is now.

I ask nor deserve nothing more than what you have given freely. To take and not give is not the way it should be. If I am to lean on you, I would want you to lean on me and accept what I can give. Nothing more, nothing less.

On that summer night I was tempted, my intuition sensing that you wouldn't withold me this.

But I smiled and told myself, "Knowing this is enough."

Written on Sunday, December 14, 2008; 11:46 PM
0 comments
I need help with my international law essay
4:31 PM
I need help with my international law essay

I've been in the library since 1pm and nothing concrete written down except one measly line,

"What is TWAIL?"

TWAIL stands for Third World Approach to International Law.

One pathetic line and I'm bored to my eyebrows of internationl law. This does not bode well for my ambitious aim to finish 2 essays before heading off to coffee country next Tuesday. :( Along with my scrambled plans for travel. Screwed is the buzzword right now. =.=

Yesterday I was eating hotpot with my flatmate and we literally spent 6 hours, from 7pm to 1am making sushi for today's lunch in the library and preparing our hotpot food. The both of us actually parked ourselves in front of the rice cooker for 3 freaking hours simply eating and chatting and bcuz my watch kinda stopped working and there was no clock in the living area, we had no idea it was past midnight till my other flatmate came out and told us it was 12.30!

Sigh. I am very worried. For myself, for others and for my organiser which is chock-a-block full of things that I have yet to do and need to be done like, yesterday.

Wtf. Too many wtf's are bad for me.

Okay my conscience just came online. Time for me to stop blogging, start writing something down for my essay and get myself off to library's 4th floor to do some essay research.

Written on Monday, December 08, 2008; 4:31 PM
3 comments
Tea, a drink with jam and bread
11:24 PM
Tea, a drink with jam and bread

I have a final seminar tomorrow at 9am before the hols kick in but I am in no mood to study which is why I am sitting here at 11.25pm staring at a 60 page document I have to read and analyze by 9am tomorrow.

Oh wtf. =.=

Or as my flatmate says, "Oh, jam it!"

I don't know how, but I have made it through before and I will make it through again. Somehow. Keep your fingers crossed for me. And bless all my dear friends who were concerned enough to provide me a little cheer in their own ways.

I have a package waiting downstairs for me at reception. It is most probably my International Law casebook which I ordered from Amazon a couple of days back, or it could be a surprise Christmas present from someone!

I'm crossing my fingers and hoping its the latter even when I'm 99.99999% sure its the book. =P

Edited: I got an email from my dad titled "Xmas present" so I'm thinking the mysterious package might be a gift after all. Hehe... I'm so excited!!! Receiving parcels even when you've paid for it and you know the content is exciting, so whatmore if there's a chance that its a mystery gift! C'mon everybody, cross your fingers for meeeee!

Written on Thursday, December 04, 2008; 11:24 PM
0 comments
Because Tuesdays are different from Thursdays
11:27 AM
Because Tuesdays are different from Thursdays

I want to say a lot of things but I cannot. I am angry with you, but mostly with myself. I hate how messy I let it be but I still didn't do enough. I don't know why I'm doing law when most days, my heart doesn't feel like its in it. And most of all, I don't know why there isn't a nice quiet Starbucks or cafe where I can just sit and think and be alone. Except well, you might drop in there and buy me a drink and teach me better.

I love Tuesdays because I have only one class.
But sometimes I hate waking up to an empty house like today.

I used to chide people for becoming stressed out. And I would try to joke them out of it. I am now a victim, and I commiserate.

Gotta shower and eat something before my 12.21 bus to uni. Going for carolling service tonight, and maybe dinner out. =)

Written on Tuesday, December 02, 2008; 11:27 AM
0 comments


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