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Where it ebbs and flows with the sweet smell of candy apples
11:59 PM
Where it ebbs and flows with the sweet smell of candy apples

I wanted to write a soul-searching post but I'm not sure about what I want to write, or rather what I dare to write after looking within. There's still those days where I don't understand the world, or you or even myself, or how I would come to think and feel this way. Too many slides, too many people, too many masks and roles and holding back. On some days my skin fits perfectly on me and on other days the rough edges snags on a jagged nail, stopping me cold.

I'm smart enough to realise that I don't know and understand fully what I want and envy but I'm not that smart enough to stay away from things that sway too far to the edge for my own good. I crave for different things at different times and I don't understand why.

I love not with blazing desire but with a quiet glow that sometimes flickers and strengthens, sometimes nearly forgotten, sometimes seemingly extinguished with a preparatory brace of hope and disappointment but somehow, somewhere, it is still alive.

What would you say if you knew that I loved that person? And what would you think of me if you heard what I told her? Would you judge me or would you look at me awkwardly or would you pat my hand and tell me that it will be alright?

I really don't know. And sometimes I think that I don't care. But than you come along and remind me of the why's and the reasons to curb and to yield. And that everything has a pricetag that has to be paid either by me or by someone else.

Don't spoil me this one time, let me pay this one on my own. You have already paid and bought for me chances one too many times, knowingly and unknowingly.

But if I fall, than help me up so that I may learn.

Written on Monday, November 24, 2008; 11:59 PM

Flip My Past:
  • With care, something that beats whipped cream and ...
  • Discounting the discounts
  • Will you be for me or against me?
  • The happy plastic twinge
  • Green fishbubbles that I have
  • Just because, you know
  • 7 tiny buttons
  • Consumerism makes me feel better today
  • Orange wooden tables
  • Reading week has come to town!

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