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12:57 AM
15

I have frittered away 3 days that could have been spent studying for my Financial Services Regulation exam, leaving me only with 2 full days before the paper. Sigh. :( I never learn.

Anyway so today I was thinking, this is my last undergraduate paper, and than I will be done. You know, out into the big world from my sheltered cocoon here. And I'm scared. I've had this conversation with so many people already. Its like we're all scared together but we have to go out there and do it.

I want to find my Zen job, but I don't know what it is. So until than I'll just keep going along, utilising what I have learnt and learning along the way until I find something that I'm happy with. Or that pays me well enough that I can retired in a period of time that I'm happy with and do things that I want to do.

On a side note: I'm slightly bemused when people say, "Oh you're so religious or Oh you're such a good girl because you go to mass every weekend/play the piano at mass." So what? Does going somewhere and spending 1 hour of your time there and not thinking about God make you a good person?

I'm not saying I'm bad or I don't believe. What's disappointing to myself is that I seem to call on God more during times when I need Him. And I do make the effort to remember to thank Him as well, and to accept and understand that God has a plan for me. What I'm saying is, while not entirely pointless, am I playing the piano for His glory or because I enjoy it? At what point does playing become a ritual and my prayers get neglected because of the assumption that playing = doing something for God hence the lack of need to talk to Him.

I once asked my mum if its okay not to marry a Christian/non-Catholic. And she said, what's more important is, even if that person isn't Christian/non-Catholic but helps you to lead a more spritual/religious life, isn't that better?

What do you think?

Written on Thursday, June 03, 2010; 12:57 AM


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