summer days where all you need is a gelato in hand //

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Flickering lights

11:52 PM

Flickering lights

Fingers dancing over the keyboard forming words that you don't really see as you don't focus your eyes on the screen because watching those words spring to life is too painful. You stare blankly to the right, staring at the bottle or the speakers, at anything but the white screen because its just too painful to look at. You quickly glance up to give it a two-second onceover to ensure that you didn't just spew out unintelligible gibberish that would only add to the confusion. Nothing more than two seconds because you know the lump in your throat will get worse and your eyes will fill up with tears that comes from the heavyness in your heart that seems so dark tonight. And you know you can't let the tears fall, because if they fall tonight, they'll be falling on every other night like this and you know that you simply can't afford that luxury.

Some things are inevitable. What you do when those inevitable things come calling is what makes the difference. And some things, once done or said, cannot be undone or unsaid. You can't erase a memory the way you would delete a picture from a digital camera. No matter how much you try to isolate it and hurl it into nothingness, the traces will always be there.

Are you really able to accept the truth to the questions you're asking? And if you're not able to accept the answers, should you ask those questions? Because some answers can hurt, no matter how you try to dress it up and soften the hard edges. If you could walk back to that point in time, what would you have said and done had you known what it would have been like? What would I have done? Would I have tried to fire the shots a little harder and sharper so that they'd have hit the target? I thought I did what I thought I had to do. It wasn't something I wanted to do, believe me when I say I didn't enjoy doing it. But to simply let it hover there just out of sight for the moment wasn't something I could bring myself to do either.

Time goes on, it doesn't come to a grinding halt while you ponder on the reality of certain things. What do you make of reality this time round? Reality holds so many options that seem possible and yet impossible at the same time. And the clock is ticking quietly, a constant reminder.

Take away the trappings and bells and whistles and you'll see that some things don't have to and won't have to change if you hold on to it and keep it safe.

Written on Saturday, June 30, 2007; 11:52 PM

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Numbering the ticking thingamajigs

1:16 PM

Numbering the ticking thingamajigs

One thick white envelope with a return address that makes me feel apprehensive about opening it. Dump it on the table in clear sight so that when there's nothing left to do that I can use to further procrastinate, I'll have to open it.

Two watches on my dresser. I can't remember which time I follow. It used to be the cuckoo clock downstairs, than the mechanics went all wonky. So I switched it to the high school bell, and than later the college time. And I set it to my desktop clock and my handphone time. What time am I following anyway? Time flows out of our hands so swiftly, once lost impossible to regain. Why is it always time that runs against us?

Three phones on my table, two dead, one alive. I need to clear them up. And figure out how to work the charger. I need to buy a new phone soon. But as usual, I've procrastinated it for 3 months and I'm indecisive and sway from one model to another.

Four packs of tissues neatly put in a small cardboard holder. I never use packeted tissue to cry at home. If ever, its tissue from the boxes or towels damp with tears because there are times when you just want to shut the world out and hide behind the cotton threads rubbing on your face. Crying on shoulders broad enough to lean on belonging to people who care enough to be there and you know that when they say they'll be there, no matter what, they won't turn you away. And there's nothing like crying in the arms of someone who cares and eventhough the person doesn't know exactly why, they know that the most comforting thing would be to enfold you tightly in their arms and make you feel safe and warm. Gentle murmurs and whispers that cut through those sobs and hit you directly the way a hot knife goes through butter. And sometimes, they don't need to say anything. Because they know that at times, words simply don't do justice. And eventhough its heartbreaking to be crying in their arms, you still find yourself doing it because the other alternative would be to walk away and cry alone. But, big girls aren't supposed to cry anymore, right?

Suddenly, I don't feel very grown-up yet. And I don't want to grow up so soon either.

Five girls who form a little coterie that stuck together through the years. There were others, but there was also this. One by one leaving and parting ways. Spreading their wings and flying off to see the big, wide world. But no matter where we are, we'll still girl talk and gossip right?

And this is where I stop counting the numbers.

You contemplate opening it up the way a watchmaker would open the back of a watch which stopped ticking. Peering at the intricate thingamajigs and anxiously scrutinizing each and every cog and spring, checking them for signs of rust or age. There's no detectable defect on the surface, perhaps the malaise comes from within or perhaps its merely imaginary. There's nothing to be done but to put the pieces back together and wait for it to hopefully start working again. And you wait patiently to hear that familiar ticking sound which tells you everything's gone back to what it was. But you wonder, if it starts ticking again, will there ever be that clockwork precision again? And you start wondering if precision was even there in the first place and if it was, does it really matter? And does the value and defination of precision change with time, no matter for good or for worse?

And after that pin-dropping mind numbing silence, you hear a little "tick-tock tick-tock" and you start breathing normally again and your mind goes off its panic mode and calms down a little. But you know tucked right at the back of your mind, there's a little worrywart there that it might stop ticking again. And you know that sometimes, you can't really do much about it but wait for it to pass and it makes you ever more appreciative and grateful for the times that it quietly ticks, a gentle metronome measuring out the beats and rhythm of life.

Some things just can't be dissected under a microscope or fixed just like that broken clock at a snap of your fingers or a wave of a brush. They need some time of their own to simmer down and sort themselves out before they can go on. And that's how life is, so its time to accept it. =)

Written on Wednesday, June 27, 2007; 1:16 PM

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Homecoming

2:25 AM

Homecoming

I'm back from Macau-China-Hong Kong!

Did you all miss me?

I bet you all did...
What, you mean you didn't miss me?!
Fine, no need you to miss me. *turns up nose haughtily in the air*
As long as someone else misses me can already lah. Haha.

Did I just type that?! Haha. I know its not a very Siewyen-like thing to do. But get used to it, I've got a feeling more of that will be coming up. Hehe. So shaddup and stop snickering at me lah! I wonder how many of you knew that I was actually away and how many thought I didn't update because I was so busy painting the town red! Hehe.

Its too late to blog much about the trip. A quick summary though, I ate more than I bought. And shopping and buying are 2 different things. And that Macau-HK-China is bumped down my list of places to go to in summer. Hong Kong's MTR rocks! The legal age for Macau's casinoes is 18. And I'll be pretty busy for the next 2 weeks so I don't know when I'll post about the trip.

Its good to be home. Home is where the heart is. =)
What a homecoming, though. =p

Will I end up like that? I hope not.

Its a bit sad and frightening on the surface. Slightly twisted and ironic in some sense. It could have been me. But its not. And now I'm just casually observing apathetically through the glass from a distant angle, nothing more. Just a passerby looking in with a tinge of curiousity .

And I'm determined that I will not end up like that. I will not. =)

Coming home to all of this is what makes home the best place to be in.

Written on ; 2:25 AM

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Popping eyeballs

8:49 PM

Popping eyeballs

So, exams were over more than 24 hours ago. I still haven't done anything hyperly productive yet. Unless onlining and watching a DVD counts. And making my throat even worse by scorfing toasted bread with butter and peanut butter with chocolate stripes while dvd-ing. Did I tell you I love eating when I watch idiot box? And one of my favourite things to eat in front of the tv is instant noodles and toasted bread along with cold ribena?

My study table is immaculate. It always is after an examination. But I didn't clear it today. I cleared it over the weekend when the piles of books and notes were cascading over and the only empty space I had on my table was the size of an opened book. That was when I decided I had to stop and reorganise my table before the tottering stacks fell with a resounding crash to the parquet floor. So up when all my books and files into the cupboards, those loose-leaved foolscap paper became neatly bound together with ribbons, stationaries all put away nicely in froggie and suddenly, I could see more of my light brown wooden table surface than I'd ever seen in the past 2 weeks. After every paper, I'd come to my studyroom and file away my docket and take out my timetable and savagely slash through that subject column with a 0.7 dark blue Faber-Castell pen. It was my only form of physically letting out my exam frustration (other than beating up someone) and it felt wickedly good to see that viciously indented thick line across the small black print that denoted the time and venue of those agonizing hours.

And now I've only got a 2-inch stack on my table consisting of unread 'The Economists', a pink file and some beribboned foolscap paper. Oh, I've just counted and I've got 8 'The Economists' that I haven't read, the result of putting off my weekly reading session. And I'm going to finish it by hook or by crook eventhough I currently don't intend to do further economics because who knows, I might end up doing something along that line, or even if I don't, its still useful and interesting knowledge to have (Yup I know that sounds nerdy and all but hey, whatever!) and also because the subscriptions already paid and I might as well make full use of it. =p

The only thing that is there and shouldn't be there and I don't want to have there is a tiny ziploc bag stuffed with honey lemon Strepsils, pink Difflam and white Panadols. Damn, I wish I wasn't having a cough+minor sore throat+running nose. I hate being sick. Grr! I wish common colds and flu could just be vanished away. I'm not hoping for it to fly away at the flick of a magic wand, but I'll settle for its disappearance at the pop of a tablet. Sadly, the only recourse seems to be lots of water and vitamins and to wait for the ailment to run its course. Sigh.

I think imma go watch my taped Desperate Housewives instead of sitting in an aircond room sneezing my head off and getting more annoyed and feeling more miserable.

p/s : If you don't close your eyes when you sneeze, will your eyeballs really pop out?

Written on Wednesday, June 20, 2007; 8:49 PM

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Its official!

11:59 PM

Its official!

A-Levels are officially over for me!

My last paper, Econs 6 ended at 7.30pm. And as the invigilator called times up and for all pens to be put down, I knew I was done with A-Levels. Well, at least until I have to go and collect my exam results. But, that's a worry for another day. This is a chapter of my life done with and its time to turn the page. I'll miss college life, that's for sure. But the friends I've made and the times we had together will always be happy memories that remain with me.

Its the beginning of a new chapter, a new story. Fresh, blank paper waiting to be filled with stories that may not have started with the age-old words of "Once upon a time...", but will hopefully end with the words "....and they lived happily ever after."

Days of joy and happiness that hopefully, will be a prelude to endless times of golden bliss. =)

Written on Tuesday, June 19, 2007; 11:59 PM

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Early morning rants

11:20 AM

Early morning rants

You know you've got a long day ahead when...

1. You get rudely awoken after 5 hours of sleep by your brother barging into your room half an hour before you're supposed to be up and shouts at you to wake up and send him to basketball grading like right now. After muttering groggily that you're already awake, the brother firmly states that awake means getting up and brushing teeth and NOT lying in bed with eyes half-shut and you pull the blanket over your head to drown out his voice and drowsily go back to sleep.

2. After 10 minutes, the phone vibrates and clatters on the dresser and you get woken up again as mummy texts to remind you to wake up and send the brother out and to say that the maid isn't feeling well as she has gastric which means probability of no lunch.

3. 5 minutes later, the alarm you set last night at 3am rings and the brother barges in for round two and you know there's no way you're gonna get anymore sleep so you roll out of bed and walk zombie-like to the bathroom with your tummy growling but you don't feel like eating anything but those cough lozenges cause you know you have a bad cough/sore throat coming and you can't eat anything you really want to eat, hence, you have no appetite for breakfast.

4. You walk downstairs to a dark (Its rainy and gloomy and cooling, perfect weather for sleeping and you're up awake so early) and quiet house and you remember again that this is the what 3rd? or 4th? consecutive day of the weekend that you're home alone cause everyone else has disappeared off to Malacca again to eat and visit or because they have more fun and interesting plans while you're stuck at home as you have exams and at the very least, you have to seem like you're locking yourself at home to study eventhough you're actually not.

5. You shoot an orange light that just flashed red as you made that turn and you forgot about the second set of lights just ahead and its red and not only do you have to suddenly brake (Lucky thing the brother isn't in the car) but you realise that you're not on the lane you want to be on. And you remember that you promised not shoot anymore red lights. Uh-oh. Sigh. =/

6. You come home and you stand outside the bedroom and the studyroom, thinking if you should just go back to bed or if you should tackle that unread law book and undone math questions. Kiasu-ism wins out and you enter the studyroom and reach out for that packet of lozenges to pop one in your mouth till you remember that doctors always say don't eat medication on an empty tummy and you know that if you start relying on lozenges so early in the morning, you'll be popping them the whole day. (I once finished a 6 pack of Strepsils in half a day of college!)

7. There's a conspiracy between your tummy and the kitchen cause when you're in the studyroom trying to study, your tummy growls and you feel weak and unable to focus. And when you tell your brain to ignore your tummy, it sends pre-gastric like pangs so that you'll go feed it before it gets vicious and give you gastric attacks so bad that you can't stand! As you walk downstairs to rummage for food, the pangs go away and you don't feel so hungry after all. So you resolutely decide to wait for lunch and go back upstairs and the same thing happens again!

8. After disconsolately thinking of what to eat, cause the kakak isn't feeling well so you don't wanna ask her to cook and besides everything that you wanna eat and she can cook is off the list of edible breakfast things as you don't want to aggravate the throat any further. So that means toasted bread, fried omelettes (there's no more cheese in the house anyway), instant noodles, McD's breakfast set is out of the question. Even chocolate milk is off the list because its cold and its chocolate which is bound to aggravate the throat. The only thing that comes to your mind is water, plain bread or porridge. I think I'd rather starve, thank you very much!

9. And after succumbing to the chocolate milk, you take out the milk carton and discover that there's only a little bit left. Shaking the carton with a disgusted look on your face doesn't make more milk appear and suddenly, you get a brilliant idea. You decide to make yourself a big cup of hot sweet tea! *now why didn't I think of that earlier?!*

Bless the Brits for free trade and their discovery of China's tea! No matter that there was an opium-bullion-tea triangle and they dominated the seas. The good ol' cuppa tea is a real lifesaver! I don't know how they can just make do with a tiny cup of tea though. (When you watch those tea parties in movies, they're always sipping their tea in tiny, dainty china cups)

10. You finish your mug of hot tea and you realise that you're running late to pick up the brother and therefore you have to stop ~~blogging~~ ranting (I bet you all just gave a huge sigh of relief that I'm stopping, right?) and irritating everyone who had to read all this early morning whining.

There's only 58-odd hours left (Ohmygosh, I have so little time left to study!) before exams are over (Finally, the darned things out of the way!). Gotta run now, adios for now!

Re-edited at 12 noon : Upon picking my brother up, I slowed down at the same set of lights and I DID NOT shoot any lights this time. My day just got a little better. =)

And Zhan Sheng, Happy 19th Birthday!!! Ada orang sudah tua...=p

Written on Sunday, June 17, 2007; 11:20 AM

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De-stressing from distressing accounting

5:16 PM

De-stressing from distressing accounting

Yeah so I screwed up another paper. So what's new?! This time it was Accounts. The one subject where I felt that I had a decent chance of getting an A. Sigh. I tell you, this term, all my spotting techniques seriously tak jadi. The opposite of what I spot comes out instead. Sad case right? I've even got proof to back up this theory of mine.

The proof :
1. For law, I spotted a nice question; the connection between law and morality or private morality and I expected jury NOT to come out. And guess what, jury came out! (Yeah, I still can't get over my law though it was 4 days ago!)
2. For stats, I expected the question on critical region to come out, and NOT the part about median. Median came out. Grr!
3. For econs, I spotted aid to come out. Guess what, aid didn't come out!
4. For accounts, I spotted cash flow statements (this is the one that the teachers all say guarantee come out!), marginal and/or absorption costing and BEP to come out. Not a single one came out. Instead what came out was both shares and business purchase for section 1 (When I saw the question, I really wanted to run out of the exam hall and jump down though its the 9th floor cause I didn't study both!). But, I didn't mind section 2. This is the first accounts exam where I've got time to spare cause I don't know how to do anything else. =(

So next time you should ask me what I think will come out, than you straightaway go study the opposite. Okay? Haha. And don't forget to tell me what the opposite is lah! Okay I'm done ranting about the exams. I have 2 and a half days grace. Now I shall rant about other stuff.

I tell you, some people don't have it at all. Seriously! And some people, they have it so much that you seriously wonder if they actually have it or if they simply don't. Cause if they have it, how can they be so nonchalant. Or maybe some people just think that they're nonchalant when they're actually not. Sigh. Haha. Funny la. And she feels guilty for it though you said it was okay and all. And yeah she thinks that it affects you as well as me and I know that you people think that she's overgifted with common sense enough not to do something like this. But I think she can't really help it. Or maybe she isn't trying hard enough. Hmmm... And now all you readers are going to start jumping to conclusions and misread all of that, but its okay, I really don't care. Or maybe I do, cause maybe you're all a bit right? And I think she cares too much about what other people think. But whatever man, it doesn't really matter. Cause everything's gonna be just fine, I think. Or at least I hope so. Heck, what am I saying?! *whacks forehead to remember to think positively* Everything is gonna be just fine. =) Big fat fullstop. End of story. Happily ever after riding off into the sunset with chocolate and peanut butter ice cream.

Which reminds me, I still have some sitting in my freezer. Haha.

There's something horribly wrong with Yahoo/my computer (Its probably my computer). When I open e-mails, the addresses will all come out but the content part goes all blank and it says 'error on page at the bottom of the screen'. Anybody wants to demonstrate their tech knowledge in front of a computer dummy and help me out?

And I'm sitting here alone. No one is home except for kakak. And she's downstairs in the kitchen. No one's online. No orange IM's flashing. No clatter of the mobile phone vibrating on the table as a text comes in. No phone ringing to boil porridge. The only sounds I can hear now is the keyboard keys clattering softly as I type and Mandy Moore's - Only Hope from the movie 'A Walk to Remember' which soothes me. And the whirr of the fan. Its not all together a bad thing. Its sort of like a quiet moment to yourself. And when I'm done writing all this, than maybe I'll be a little lonesome for some company. But its okay, you can go on sleeping or shopping and you can continue studying or working or doing whatever you're doing now. I need some peace to calm down and sort out all those tangled strings. I need to be able to tap my fingers on the surface to the rhythm of the song with ease and have a tiny hint of smile on my face than I'll know that I'm feeling alright and able to face the world with a smile again. =)

And just as I'm thinking that I'll have some peaceful moments, the doorbell rings. Someone's back. Hello energetic chatter, goodbye peaceful silence. *reaches out for that alcoholic drink (doesn't matter what it is, just drink it) and takes a big gulp* No wait, I don't abuse alcohol so I'll just reach out for that tumbler of water and with some imagination, it'll be alcohol. Now that's wishful thinking. But yeah, I like drinking water. *gulps down water* In fact, I think I like drinking water more than alcohol. Who am I kidding?! No really, I'm an exception! And I think I've got a sore throat coming up. So its loads of hydrogentwooxygen and Strepsils for me. *gulps down more water*

3 more papers left and 4 more days to go till I'm done and the clock's ticking.

p/s : I was just kidding. I really don't abuse alcohol and I don't drink. Well, just a very little bit. And not at home either. =p

Written on Friday, June 15, 2007; 5:16 PM

3 comments

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Legal massacres, statistical butchery and economic screw-ups

7:30 PM

Legal massacres, statistical butchery and economic screw-ups

I think I died and got dragged back to life again. Seriously. I don't know if that's a good thing or not cause as I get dragged back to life, I have to face the rest of the papers which are seriously gonna murder me. With sharpened parangs and huge double-bladed axes. =p

Monday
The day started out as pleasant as it could for a day where I knew I was going to screw up my exams, thanks to sneaky surprises that send you off into the exam hall feeling a little better.

Law paper 1. Opened the law paper and nearly had a massive heart attack as I only knew how to do 2 out of the 4 essays I was supposed to write! So much for my law and morality notes! I was mentally kicking myself, why didn't I study jury more throughly instead of giving it a cursory glance. And why didn't I read EC law when I roughly knew that they would ask about either Parliamentary sovereignty, the impact of EC law on UK law or the EU institutions. Sigh. I'm a real doofus. I still did jury cause I didn't read the Human Rights Act 1998 therefore I couldn't do the statutory interpretation question caused it was linked to HRA 98 and I studied for SI somemore. Sighsigh. And I only had 30 minutes to do the twisted law and morality question, resulting in 1 page and 5 lines of serious spinned-up on the moment crap! And I was relying on my paper 1 marks to help boost up my overall law grade. Sighsighsigh...

After discussing the law massacre with the rest, came out and studied for Stats 2. And this was another major boo-boo. I lost 7 marks instantly cause I didn't study a part of Chapter 4, thinking that it'd be too simple to come out. And when I was studying Chpt 4 earlier, I was smiling cause I thought that the part was so easy-peasy. Ahh...so darn ironic! And I discovered that I screwed up both my hypothesis test questions. I knew there was something wrong when I redid the question and got different answers for both, where the answer was lower than the significant level, resulting in the Ho being rejected. And I got the mode question wrong too, after drawing the damn graph. And I added more pressure to someone's already overloaded burden. Majorcatastrophicsighsighsighsigh...

~~Shoot me, or stab me or murder me please somebody. So that I don't have to finish taking the papers and collect the results.~~ Okay, so apparently since I'm not allowed to be shot, stabbed or murdered by anyone, I guess I'll just have to take those papers. =)

Wednesday
Was fairly prepared for Econs 5, managed to read and re-read the past year answers. My only regret before entering the exam hall myself was that I didn't have time to finish going through the Economics Web Guide 5B because it was quite interesting reading material. Entered the exam hall and died. Most people I know did the second question and I did the first question. Sigh. When you're against the trend, chances are, you're pretty much screwed. Sighsigh.. I know why I did the first question. Cause I knew how to do the first part (15 marks) and I took like..half an hour writing 2 pages happily cause I had so many things to say! Then I realised that I was on a time constraint and that I didn't have that many points for the 20 mark part and the rest. Oh die die die! Simply crapped and rehashed the same old tired points. And now I'm a bit worried about my A for Econs slipping away. Okay, I'm more than a bit worried, in fact I'm a heck of a worried cause I need that A to get into uni, but I said that I would not worry so much therefore I shall only be a bit worried. Haha. =p

Came home and was depressed. Instant noodles and texts helped. And so did that hour and a half nap that I took cause it was raining cats and dogs and sleeping always helps. =)

4 more papers and 6 more days till the exams are over. In exactly 144 hours, I shall be done with the exams and only have the waiting to do, which can be ghastly, and the actual collection of the results, which can be horrifying, depending on how well you do!

Nevermind, I'll try to keep my mind on the next papers and hopefully do better on them. =)

Written on Wednesday, June 13, 2007; 7:30 PM

3 comments

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Golden preludes

11:45 PM

Golden preludes

I feel this compulsion to blog after an exam. I don't know why. Its sort of sadistic to exacerbate the agony I feel when I think of my A for economics vanishing into thin air, but I still do it. Perhaps I use it as a reminder to study harder for my other papers so that I won't feel so miserable when I think back how pathetically unprepared I was. Or perhaps it makes me feel relieved to write that I have one paper less to suffer through. Anyway, Econs 3 was disastrous.

On second thoughts, I don't think the paper was that tough as I made it out to be, but I just wasn't prepared enough. Sigh. Sad case la, both my retake papers also quite unprepared. I should have use that RM300 to go shopping instead. At least I'd get more joy out of it. =p

So there's 9 more papers to take and 11 days left till the exams are over. And after that, it'll be days of joy and happiness that hopefully, will be a prelude to endless times of golden bliss. =)

Written on Friday, June 08, 2007; 11:45 PM

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Red velvet ribbons sprinkled with gold dust

10:11 PM

Red velvet ribbons sprinkled with gold dust

Acquaintances assume you like to eat McD's.
Because hey, everyone likes McD's.

Friends know you like to eat McD's.
If they didn't know this, they wouldn't be friends.

Good friends know you prefer McD's over BK.
Cause you think McD's is nicer and BK's portions are huge for you, but they know you wouldn't mind defecting to BK for them occasionally.

Old-time friends aren't amazed that you don't really like Coke.
Cause they've been McD-ing with you umpteenth times and seen you leave your cup of Coke practically untouched.

True friends, well, I've got a lot to say about true friends...

True friends can remember what you used to order 2 years ago and they know how many plates of tomato ketchup you'll take and they also know what you do to the food before eating it and they stop laughing each time you do it cause its such a "you" thing to do. They know which sort of sundaes you like and they know how long you'll take to eat it and they'll tease you about the time you take but its all good-natured and if they don't tease you, you start wondering what's wrong. True friends sometimes slow down when they eat, just for fun so that you won't always be the last to finish and they make you wish you could eat McD's with them day in day out.

I have this sudden desire for a mixed Sundae cone now. I haven't had one for ages.

I'm putting it away in the box and turning the key so that it won't escape. Tying a red velvet ribbon around it and sprinkling some gold dust over it for memories sake. Then I'll place it up on the second shelf where it will be out of sight until I look up at it. Sounds impossible, but I dare say that I've learnt something after all this time. And I'll only reach up for that box in the quiet darkness of the night, undo that pretty bow and unlock the box when all's still and peaceful. Perhaps I'll even open the lid of the box just a little and peep in to check if it has slept dormantly or if it still has the energy to fly. And maybe just maybe if I can't stop it in time, a teardrop will fall into the box and ruin the flawless perfection of it, marring its beauty and making it inky.

I don't want it to. But if that happens, then so be it. I don't think I can stop it alone.

Written on Wednesday, June 06, 2007; 10:11 PM

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The beginning of the end

11:56 PM

The beginning of the end

And the day has arrived and the hour of doom has befallen us and there's nowhere else to run to and nothing else left to do but to stand and face what which we bring upon ourselves...

Drama right? =p

No, it wasn't the final second of calm and peace before an epic battle was about to begin. It was about the moment that heralded the beginning of my term exams, my first paper, Stats 1.

Started studying Stats 1 at 11.30am on the day itself. Was tempted not to go for the paper, but due to some rumours of changed rules and because it seemed a bit wasteful not to go for a RM150 paper that was already paid for, I decided to show up. I expect to pass, but I don't expect to do any better than I did last term so I decided not to spend too much time on it.

Planned to leave the house early so I wouldn't get caught in the rain, but I got the full blast of it just outside my house. Traffic was pretty slow and I had this sudden thought that it'd be so jammed all the way that I'd arrive there late and wouldn't be able to take the paper so I might as well make a u-turn now and retreat for the warmth and comfort of my study room instead of the Arctic like atmosphere of the exam room. Lol.

Went there and got a little jittery as people started asking all sort of intelligent-sounding questions and confirming and reassuring themselves of their facts while I just sat there listening nervously, trying to make some sense of that indecipherable gibberish. This is why I don't particularly like the waiting period just before entering the exam hall because that's when the corridors are packed with people trying to cram last minute facts, the air is heavy with nervousness and you start feeling worried when people start talking about facts with a 'this-is-so-important' tone and you have no idea whatsoever they are talking about.

The funniest question in the paper :
The weight of the instrument for one of the orchestra members is 90kg (or was it more than 90kg?). What instrument do you think that member of that orchestra plays?

*I got a little shock and I re-read the question to make sure I didn't misread it*

The first thought that came to my mind, was the piano. Than I figured, it wouldn't have taken 4 grown-men to move the piano when we shifted back in if it was just 90kg. Hmmm...what about drums? You know, drums can be pretty heavy with their stands and all. Than I realised, orchestras didn't have drums. At least not the kind that I was thinking of. Than I remembered those large harps that I'd seen people playing in the Philharmonic. I couldn't figure out if there was a proper term for it, all I could think of was they were called giant harps. Cello and double-bass floated into my mind. And I dismissed cello because I thought it was a bit on the light side. Double-bass...hmm..I recalled a guy playing it at the hotel and he seemed to handle it pretty lightly, like it wasn't near the regions of 90kg. I finally gave up and wrote...

...giant harps!

Stop laughing, will ya?

I wonder what people who didn't know a thing about musical instruments wrote. I bet that the word 'piano' tops the list. Because that was also the first thing that popped into my mind. =p

Exactly 14 days left to my last paper and it can't come sooner enough.

Good luck to all you people taking Accounts 1 tomorrow. =)

Written on Tuesday, June 05, 2007; 11:56 PM

4 comments

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Round Two

11:55 PM

Round Two

Pirates round 2 with the family at Cineleisure.

I've got this feeling my parents got conned. Cause it was a Friday morning 10.30am show and my dad paid RM11 each for the tickets even with one kid and one student ID card! Hmmm... but maybe its the school holidays? *ponders for a minute* Ahh, what the heck. I'm boycotting Cineleisure! Or maybe not. I mean, its less hassle finding parking there and the seats are nice and its not jampacked with people. And there are newer shops to look at. =p

Came home and it rained with thunder rumbling and lightning flashing. Opened the windows and stood there leaning my head against the window pane, letting the wind blow errant raindrops against my face and watching the rain drum down into the grass and flow from the gutterspouts and puddles all forming. Perfect sleeping weather! *plops into bed and takes a nice long nap*

The fear of risking the unknown makes what is possibly achievable even more valuable. You and so many others have told me this many times, and deep inside, I know it to be true. But like so many other things, I wasn't willing to face it yet. My fears and insecurities simply hinder me from seeing what really matters. I guess what I need are constant reminders and reassurances. =)

Written on Friday, June 01, 2007; 11:55 PM

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Siew Yen
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