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Jack of diamonds
3:52 AM
Jack of diamonds

I'm updating this more than my facebook or MSN. This is ridiculously humourous.

I want something that you can't give.

Written on Friday, October 31, 2008; 3:52 AM
0 comments
Not one less
10:52 PM
Not one less

These days, I'm afraid to watch movies that seem like they won't have happy endings.

Written on Thursday, October 30, 2008; 10:52 PM
0 comments
Alliterative silence in black and white
7:08 AM
Alliterative silence in black and white

At the end of the day I realise that I'm just an unhappy girl who doesn't know where she's going nor what she wants. And I'm too old to be little anymore and to have my sadness taken away completely by people who love me because I know I have to stand on my own but I don't know how to do it when the reason I do it for seems to have faded away to nothingness. I have issues to deal with. I have myself to deal with. I need to learn and I need to discover something very very swiftly or I will float in a grey limbo. Compartmentalising everything to be sorted out later comes with a price, a pair of aching shoulders.

I wished I wasn't so far away from home.

Written on Sunday, October 26, 2008; 7:08 AM
4 comments
To paper bags that beckon so invitingly
11:31 AM
To paper bags that beckon so invitingly

Fridays are becoming blogging days for me cuz I have 3 hours to spare and I'm too lazy to start preparing for next weeks seminar even though I know I will regret my decision when Sunday evening comes and I have yet to start. :(

Anyway, I went outlet shopping to Bicester Village which is about an hour away from Coventry. The place had a nice set up, cute looking village like stores but they tend to sell lots of British brands like Burberry, Radley, Ted Baker, Jigsaw, Jaeger and the list goes on. Needless to say, being on a student budget we walked around and saw lots of very pretty things that came with a price tag that would cost a months rent at least! That and the fact that loads of the stuff sold was very good for the more hip and office working that is also trendy girl but not quite the laidback style that I tend to go for. Slightly disappointed with Ralph Lauren and Burberry because their selection wasn't as varied as I expected. Oh wells... The only thing I bought for myself was some Estee Lauder perfume that I've been wanting to get and that was a tad cheaper than normal. And I got my sister a Radley bag which she has been hankering for cuz she can't get Radley in NY and my flatmates and I bought our other flatmate this slim purse+card holder for her upcoming birthday. Nearly got myself a really cute purse which had this little icon dog sticking out of it and it came in pink! But since both my flatmates wanted to get similar versions of it, I decided to hold out and search for something else at other shops.

We left after 3 hours of shopping to go for lunch at a nearby pub which was my very first meal at the homey-warm Englishy pub which really had a nice atmosphere but the food was nothing to shout about. Wanted to double back to the outlet to go to Puma to buy sneakers cuz they were going for less than 30 pounds a pair and they had a buy 1 free 1 deal but was too lazy so we decided to just head home and play Wii. =P Overally, I would rate the trip as alright but that's due to personal taste and imposed-restrictions on budget. However, it seems to be quite popular as it was fairly crowded for a Saturday morning.

Been attending some presentations by UK top law firms like Clifford Chance and Allen & Overy and their academic requirements are at least a 2:1 and you're expected to have a host of other skills as well because their vacation positions are very very competitive. So I can pretty much rule out the possibility of getting an internship at any big firm but I shall still apply and be positive because I need an internship this summer! My plans for summer are still unknowned because I have an open ticket but I am determined to stay in UK and work and figure out accomodation and all such mundane details. One thing I've gotta say, all this law firms sure spend lots of money on promotions cuz there brochures are super fabulous and they give out freebies like nice-looking pens, thumbdrives, cute little notepads. Oh and there's always champagne and wine and finger food after the presentation. Yesterday, there were a bunch of us standing around the buffet table and munching and well basically keeping to ourselves when a thought struck me. What if the recruiting people think that we're just here for the freebies and not interested in asking smart questions and they will think all Asians are like that?! To be honest, I did munch quite a fair bit so that I wouldn't have to cook dinner later. But its justifiable cuz I knew I'd be back late and I had a seminar to prepare for. =)

I have 1.5 hours till my next seminar and an unopened chicken and bacon club sandwich calling out for my attention. The weekend beckons along with all other pleasures like sleeping in, reading non-study materials, eating proper food while watching DVDs, playing Wii and basically de-stressing from the hectic week until Monday comes again. Toodles!

Written on Friday, October 24, 2008; 11:31 AM
3 comments
Red bricks and grey walls
4:11 PM
Red bricks and grey walls

Woke up today to a cold and quiet house. Kitchen looked superficially clean because I washed up last night and nobody did much cooking anyway. I hate tip-toeing on the damn linoleum but with me its an automatic reaction. Sunlight streaming in through the window as I peep out. So glaring but so chilly. An appetizer of winter that I will throughly dislike. A backpack boy crosses the inner yard and I quickly pull my head back so that he can't see me in my morning deshabille because the windows aren't tinted. Why does the silk crackle with static when it slips off?

Messy tables, laundry and other mundane chores loom glaringly like black marks on the day that I choose to cut class. Spicy instant noodles and dramas don't help much. Even the fragrance of Crabtree & Evelyn's rosewater lotion dissipates too swiftly till there is nothing but an occasional, faint tinge. I don't want to be here today. Maybe I won't mind tomorrow, but just not today. If I could buy happiness in a pretty box I would. Or material temporary joy would do for now but I don't know what to buy despite endless browsing through shops.

I can see vases and flowers on the window sills of other apartments and it soothes my stubbed toes. Don't send me chocolate today but send me flowers. Without any thorns, please.

Written on Tuesday, October 21, 2008; 4:11 PM
0 comments
Because the unexpected happens more often than expected
11:11 AM
Because the unexpected happens more often than expected

I am being super-perky at the Learning Grid at 10.48am despite a 9am Constitutional and Administration Law seminar and 5.5 hours of sleep! Utter madness I tell you. =)

Why I'm so upbeat? Its cuz I did something right again for my EU seminar and my tutor said I did good. Whee!!! And this was the module that I was all prepared to loathe becuz of stupid podcasting that doesn't count in our final grade and the fact that it will be a 100% exam-based assesment and the fact that I know the EU syllabus is wider than the freaking Sahara Desert! On the contrary, the module I was expecting to be really interested in like The Criminal Process has gotten me down cuz of the not very interesting lecturer and tutor. I mean, c'mon, you guys are talking about police tv stuff like interrogation techniques, stop and search procedures and stuff that is supposed to be thrilling and here I am covering my umpteenth yawn in your 1 hour lecture. I am starting to regret not taking Competition Law but I know I deserve it for not being decisive and able to choose whether to stick to the criminal or commercial side of law. =(

Anyway, I am in a good mood cuz I am going outlet shopping tomorrow at Bicester North and I intend to come back home with loads of stuff and I may also detour to Oxford tomorrow to try out the 'heavenly salmon' (as my friend calls it!) at this Japanese restaurant. And maybe take a few more pictures if the weather is good. *crosses fingers*.

Lately I've been feeling much better in quite some time when I finally realised that I was taking time out for myself and to concentrate on important things like studying and having fun and just being a regular student. And as I now do more preparation for my seminars, they have turned out to be pretty interesting cuz I know what the tutor is saying and can actually contribute something instead of keeping silent cuz I'm not sure of what I know and I don't wanna embarass myself in front of all my smart classmates. Call me kiasu, but it really does feel worth it when you can answer questions rightly and properly! I'm just feeling a wee bit homesick cuz I got e-mails from my parents and my brother who has discovered the tab with loads of emoticons so his email is peppered liberally with colourful little things. I swear my brother is the most adorable brother ever!!! And he makes me feel guilty for not being around to celebrate his birthday with him or to just bring him around to where he wants to go and to get stuff for him that he wants. I do regret not spending more time with him during the summer cuz I know that childhood passes fleetingly and some of the closest years where he's still a kid that I can grab and hug whenever I want to will be gone before I know it.

This 3 hours are probably the most unproductive time in uni cuz its a Friday and I have no more seminars this week and I don't quite feel the urge yet to start prepping for next weeks seminar. One thing about being in the Learning Grid so early is that there are loads of seats and I found this hideaway corner with a comp and lovely table where I'm blogging right now and it has loads of privacy until I just realised that there's a window behind me where everyone on the staircase outside can see what I'm doing and the stupid Venetian blinds won't come down. It will be embarassing to have the staff pass by and see me playing puzzle bobble when I am supposed to be studying. Oh what the heck, I guess I'll just start on my turkey and bacon sandwich and read some Sherlock Holmes mysteries (I know I'm a nerdish bookworm but don't criticise Sherlock Holmes okay >.<) while waiting for my next lecture.

p/s: My sandwich doesn't taste good. =( I wish that the uni would allow a branch of McD's, Subway and Starbucks to set up shop on campus, than I would be one happy student!

Written on Friday, October 17, 2008; 11:11 AM
4 comments
Send me a mug full of happiness pretty please?
10:22 PM
Send me a mug full of happiness pretty please?

I always come back to this the way a child goes to her favourite blanket when she takes a fall and needs something warm to snuggle up to and dry her tears. And eventhough I've abandoned it and walked on my own for awhile, its still there waiting for me.

Its ironic, I know that I'm in a down mood and I can have the option of hardwork to push it away or to feed it with drama-induced hours of staged joy but I choose to be self-indulgent and wallow in depression and make myself feel worse. What's wrong with me? Tsk tsk.

I guess its the lack of family warmth and real warmth (cause today's a very cold day also) and friends and places to go and things that I want to do that also needs doing all adds up to this misery mode of depression. Kinda stuck in limbo because I'm done with all the manic unpacking and buying but I still haven't kicked into my studying mode though I know there are hundreds of pages waiting to be read by next Monday. I just want sympathy and to be emo for awhile. =(

This summer has been sort of unusually weird in a way because well, just because. And I discovered a lot that I wouldn't have discovered otherwise. Its all so stupid, but with the clarity of hindsight, everything seems so unbelievable. Don't sway and play around with it, just decide why don't you and stop analysing while you're at it.

Would you really do it for me?

I don't know. I think you just might on that level, but maybe you wouldn't. But it doesn't really matter anyway because its the thought that counts, besides being unexpectedly sweet and it helped me see the sunlight just for a bit. Merci beaucoup.

I am off to take a nice warm bath and maybe my appetite for proper food will return.

Written on Friday, October 03, 2008; 10:22 PM
5 comments
There's a reason why the word fall is used
10:00 AM
There's a reason why the word fall is used

Greetings from Coventry, United Kingdom, yes people I have arrived safely and haven't been online for so long bcz I left my internet cable at home and couldn't buy one until Monday. I realised that I haven't blogged for a couple of weeks and longer before that and I have a draft waiting to be finished.

Anyway, I'm blogging right now because I am feeling annoyed that I woke up at 8am for the wrong reason. Last night I was feeling out of all sorts and decided to be miserable and scrunch up for awhile under my 13.5tog duvet at 9.30pm without dinner and I kept waking up at hourly intervals to tell myself that its okay to lie down for a bit more and feel warm. I fell asleep and woke up at 2am feeling hungry and very wth-ish. I decided to be good and set 2 alarms and woke up at 8am and rushed to brush my teeth and was going to select my wardrobe before a shower when I re-looked at my timetable and realised WTH my 9am class is actually a seminar which isn't on in the 1st week of school and my next class is 1pm so I have just woken up so early for no good reason. I should have realised something wasn't right when I woke up and the flat was so quiet. Damnit! And that is why I am sitting here in my pink Hello Kitty nightie blogging and feeling hungry because my last substantial meal was 21 hours ago discounting that choc cake and hot choc drink I had at 5pm that had me feeling so off. Okay damn ranty right, my first post after 2 weeks of disappearance?!

This year I had to shift off campus and I'm now staying in town which is a 20 minute bus ride to campus and the bus stop is a 10min walk from my flat so I have to leave 1 hour before class to ensure that I'll be on time in case the first bus doesn't show up. Which means I have to wake up 2 hours before class to get ready. Seriously mind-blowing. Siew Yen waking up 2 hours before class? Heck, I used to wake up at 7.40am when I had an 8am lecture in HELP. But my housemates are very good at punctuality so they knock on my door to make sure that I won't run late. Haha. Thank God for housemates like them. Okay my bedroom which includes a bathroom is something which you all will laugh at bcz its so minuscule. And my current dining area + living area is maybe half the size of my living room in my SS4 house. Super-duper tiny I tell you. Pictures will come soon when I'm in a more picture mood. And when I've tidied up my table a bit more. =P

I have 2 hours to shower, pack my bag, make something to eat, tidy my room and pre-read something about Commercial and Consumer Contracting before I go for my lecture so that I won't stone like a doink. Oh and watch another episode of Moonlight Resonance cz I'm at the super-dramatic part already! I wish my chronic cough would go away and the weather would get warmer and less windy. Thank goodness its Friday and the weekend is coming and I'm going up to London to see Les Miserables! =)

p/s: I changed my UK number because my old simcard got cut off from inactivity. Will decide later if I'm gonna stick to this new o2 card or switch again.

Written on ; 10:00 AM
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Siew Yen
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