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Sick and stressed out from writing
11:09 PM
Sick and stressed out from writing

I have 1500 words more to write on an international law essay which is due in 14 hours. And I only began my essay at 3pm today. I knew the consequences of not doing work properly before flying off to New York but I didn't heed them and now I'm paying the price. I have no outline for my essay but I'm just skimming through legal journals and picking up whatever points I can. I don't even understand the question. I have a cough, cold and sore throat and on my 6th cup of hot honey lemon water for self-medication but its getting much harder to focus.

I do not know why I bother torturing myself. Every term at this point of time I ask myself again why I'm doing law when I don't burn with the passion for it. Why do I put myself through something that I find interesting and motivating only on occasion. And even so, that moment lasts fleetingly. I obviously need to stop skating through university life and set some attainable goals. God I haven't finished my internship applications. I am so dead.

And the most ironic part is, I knew all these would happen and I let it happen. =S

The worst part is I have a 100% graded 3500 word essay due this Friday which I have yet to start on and for once, I am quite worried of the possibility of failing/doing really badly and barely passing this module. I cannot afford to fail this one because it will mean coming back earlier to retake it in autumn and my parents will be so disappointed because I went holidaying and jeopardised my grades and I will be utterly ashamed of myself because so far, I have yet to fail any module/exam that counted. *touchwoodtouchwoodtouchwood*

Sometimes, I think that I am one of those people destined for normal mediocrity and I will graduate with average grades and do some boring job and marry someone and have kids and become a housewife (God forbid this should happen because I think I'd hate part of me to allow my education to go to waste unless I live one of those rich tai-tai's lifestyle which is currently barely contemplable) and basically just be an average person. Blah.

You may ignore all the above as whining because yes, that is what I'm doing.

I have tons of H&M and Forever 21 bags scattered on my floor that are filled with new clothes that need to be laundered. I can't wait for my essays to be done and for my class test to be over. Perhaps than life will be back to normal and I hopefully will not slide down into the skating through university life again.

I do not know why I wasted 10 minutes writing this when I can be skimming through more journals for points that I can copy-paste-and-edit into my essay. I must be really stressed.

Wish me luck in surviving till next Thursday, everybody!=)

Written on Monday, January 05, 2009; 11:09 PM


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